grew-up-a-screw-up

Hi guys

Um, so long time no speak, see, communicate.
It's been a really long time and things have happened,
as they always do.

So, my birthday was on Saturday and I've read all of your birthday messages,
they made me so happy and I have no words to express the joy they gave me.
I'd also like to say thank you to svenspade09 for giving me a premium membership
(you're so awesome thank you so much!).
So, um I finally finished my finals and did well in all of my subjects aside from bio
since someone I used to be friends with contacted me at 12 pm and played the 
victim and tried to paint me to be a villain, but I digress.
So friendships have been fractured, literally a few days before my birthday.
Uh, my newspaper apprenticeship has been going well, on Wednesday last week I went
to a protest to abolish tuition fees in the Uk to get material for this months article.
I got a camera from my birthday, a canon eos 1200D. The image quality is impeccable,
and I've just about figured it out.
It was a good day, on my birthday that is.

So, the reason for my absence and inability to write something that isn't complete shit is because
well, for starters November is never a good month for me, it's full of sadness and it's when my depression
normally spikes. Um so my mother told me to perhaps talk to my college student counselor, so I spoke to a 
teacher and now I'm on the waiting list.
Um, and the woman who I'm supposed to talk to until I can actually talk to a proper therapist thinks I might
have an eating disorder...so...yeah.
One of the friends I made from college is a recovering bulimic and she's been showing concern for my
eating habits...it's out of kindness and concern but it kinda freaks me out when she threatens to kill herself if
I don't eat like normal people.
My mother also commented on my weight, since I'd ordered a black dress a few weeks ago, she said I looked sick,
like a bag of bones...we had heated arguments about the whole food thing...she's stopped mentioning it, for now.
which I'm grateful for. I hope it lasts.
I think I'm fine. I'm a little underweight but it's not too bad, and I eat enough in my opinion. I'm not that thin,
the woman who I'm speaking to said I have "meat on my legs",  when I brought this up to my friend
she pointed out the woman's weight. I digress.
so I've been trying to clear my head, trying to keep on top of work, trying and trying and trying.

I'm going to try and write so I can actually post something here.
I'm sorry for not responding to you guys.
I'm sorry for constantly apologizing. 

I hope you're all okay, have a great week.

Hey guys

I can't believe its nearly the end of september and I haven't written anything nor had the chance to respond
to any of you guys. I'm really sorry, and this weekend I should have a chance to catch up with you all,
college has been hectic, the work load is depriving me of sleep, but the other students are friendly
which was surprising, everyone is nice. It's borderline disconcerting if I'm honest.
so in other news I snagged an internship for 8 months with the local newspaper so I have to produce 
1 article a month, my first deadline is october 31st though I have to write 2 since it needs a september 
edition. I'm excited about the whole thing, we're gonna have a journalist come in next week so that's going
to be enlightening I'm sure. 
Also I picked up a fine art course in college and we have to stay back till 6.30 on Tuesdays for life drawings
which essentially means staring at a naked person for 2 hours and drawing them...Ah the joys of somewhat adulthood.
Other than that not much has happened, next week is filled with exams and that's going to reduce the few
hours of sleep I've been snagging.
I perpetually broke from paying for train rides to college and constant coffee's but life is okay and it could be worse
some days are okay and the sun shines a little brighter than normal. It's okay.

so how are you all? anything interesting happen?
I'll make sure to respond this time too!

have a wonderful weekend guys!

later~

Hey guys

sorry about my ridiculous absence, I hope you all are okay?
So uhm, yeah the summer is pretty much over and I'm relieved for the 
monotony and consistency. so earlier this summer in July I'd gone on a writers
residential and met some amazing people, I'd crashed with five girls including me 
they were all friendly and a little fucked up and we spoke on the floor with our phones as
makeshift flashlights until the early hours of the morning, whispering to avoid getting 
yelled at. It was amazing though I won't go into too many details because I doubt
any of you would be all that interested in it. 
But yeah after I came back I had results day,
it was awful
didn't get the grades i needed
so i frantically contacted a college my friend is going to 
got an interview
they accepted me
I'm repeating a year
new subjects
i have a plan that i spent two weeks researching
cambridge offers behavioural science
I'm gonna do bio, psychology, philosophy and art
I picked up my schedule yesterday
I have three early starts
and an hour long journey on a good day
I'm excited in all honesty
oh and before i forget
Thank you all for the daily deviation and the new watchers
and the staggering amount of comments
i will try and reply to them to the best of my abilities
in other news
textbooks are expensive
and i can't afford lunch
but i have an industrial sized jar of red vines candy
and enough money for the train fair for the rest of this month
ah college life, i can smell the poverty

but anyway how are you all? are any of you guys still pursuing education?
if so what are your subjects?


anyway have a nice weekend!

later~

Hi guys

So, a writer on DA whom I have admired for many years as she was a poet
who'd I'd stumbled across when I'd just started to dabble in the
writing field has recently published a book.
Her username is
Her book is comprised of her poetry, 
I myself am saving up to buy a copy
(the struggles of a lowly college student)
and I personally wanted to do a feature of her works
and hopefully give her the credit she deserves, and is long overdue for.
Sense-and-stupidity also known as the brilliant Elizabeth DeBunce
has seriously influenced my own ability as a writer
whom I have been inspired by many a time
her writing is full of clarity and depth 
she writes about complex ideas and uses visceral imagery 
that I can only dream to accomplish one day.

So here's a small feature of some of her work:

so here are just a few of my personal favorite's, if you guys like this little
taster please go and check out more of her work.

Also she has just recently published a collection of some more of her poetry
some of it is new and not on here so please check out the link and below and support
her writing as she is one of the most talented writers out here 
and her style of writing is so unique that I wanted to share it with you all.

www.barnesandnoble.com/…

so that's my lil' feature done,
i hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week

later~

Hey guys

so the last few journal entries of mine have been...well extraordinarily negative 
and you, all being the wonderful people you are showered me with concern
and you will never understand how much that means to me.
So I've spent these last few days? weeks? taking time to myself
clearing out my head and clearing out all the old nick-nacks and other 
miscellaneous crap out of my life.
I am also trying to distance myself from negative people
which is hard for me, the eternal people pleaser but I'm getting there.
Anyway I've been busy staying up till 3 am and writing poems for the 
residential coming up 
it's from the 23rd to 27th in the country side with 59 other teenagers
of varying ages to spend 4 days/nights in an old country manor in the 
middle of the country side with no access to the internet
(woe is me) so I'll be gone for those days.
I'm both excited and nervous since I'll be surrounded by other 
writers for an extended period of time and I hope to not let the 
inadequacy and my own self doubts ruin the experience 
so I've been drafting and redrafting new pieces (i have 3 now)
to take with me on the trip since we were told to bring samples of our writing.
On the plus 2 of my class mates our joining me 
1 boy named Nathan who thrives off innuendos 
and a girl named Isabella who'll be crashing with me 
hopefully since her and I are the oldest in terms of students there
we'll get our own room with two beds, one for her one for me
as opposed to two bunk beds
us sharing one
and another two girls sharing the other, in which case
awkwardness will surely ensue.
Other than that life has been...smothered in a quiet sense
I've finally decided with the support of my mother to get counseling
from a private doctor this time to help me clear out my head
so that's going to happen at some point.
I've also decided to dip dye my hair a teal blue
just to spice things up
I've also started a healthy diet and fitness routine 
to get my mind off things (and to fit into a pair of new jeans.)
So I've been trying to keep busy to stifle the silence in my head
and whilst normally i'd invite the quiet
i find it all too disconcerting when the voices spring up while i try and sleep

anyway i think that's enough of my rambling for now since this is an abnormally long entry.
so i hope you all are well and have a wonderful weekend

later~